Twilight, Chapter 6

Well, these are getting closer together.  Maybe by the next book, I’ll be doing them every day!

The next book… Mithros forbid…

Chapter 6: Scary Stories

So Bella is sitting in her room, waiting for her truck.  She doesn’t hear it, but when she looks about the window, it’s just sitting there.  I bet Alice carried it.  She would do something like that.

Apparently, “non-expectations” is now a Thing.  This is not a good Thing.  A good Thing is my best friend now greeting me by doing to running jump and making me catch her (it’s not that bad, because she’s relatively short and rather slim, and I have swimmer muscles).  “Non-expectations” does not even measure up.  It’s like stupid made-up teenage jargon, only dumber.

But we shouldn’t get stuck on that, because there is insanity hilarity to come.  We can get stuck on that.

So Bella’s not happy about going back to school, and everyone seems to know about her fainting episode the previous day.  Mike didn’t say anything about Edward (probably wanting to play the hero), and no one really has many questions.  On the other hand, Jessica wants to know everything about lunch, because, apparently, the Cullens don’t mix with the mortals other students the conceited prigs.

Bella appears to be a masochist and/or has no willpower.  She can’t seem to stop herself expecting Edward in school, despite the fact that he said just yesterday that he was going hunting hiking with Emmett.

People seem to have trouble telling the difference between other people.  Lauren gets all pissy because Bella got to sit with Edward and now she, Lauren, thinks that Bella should just go sit with the Cullens fulltime.  Babe, did you notice that Bella sat only with Edward?  I think that it’s safe to assume that Bella doesn’t really know the rest of the Cullen/Hale clan.  Because she doesn’t.

Good heavens, am I defending Bella?  What is this, Bizarro World?

Mike chimes in, saying that since Bella is his friend, she sits with them.  Cute, really.

At dinner that night, Charlie is happier about the beach trip than Bella is (if she doesn’t want to go, why is she?  Is she some sort of masochist?).  Also, Bella seems to be a pro at keeping secrets already.  She ain’t tellin’ Charlie nothin’ about the trip to Seattle.

Then Bella mentions the place where Edward said he’d be hiking with Emmett, though she doesn’t mention names, and she say that they’ll be camping.  Charlie says that that’s a bad idea, because of all the bears.  I wanna see Emmett wrestle a bear!

The next morning, Bella is afraid to leave her window, because she thinks that the blue sky will disappear if she walks away.  Like Schrödinger’s sky, or something.  I don’t even know.  But does she really think that she’s that important?  That the blue sky will go away if she stops looking?  Really?

So Bella goes to the rendezvous point, and some of the other girls decide that it’s time they play “Pick on Bella Because the Boys Think She’s Pretty.”  All I can think is “Why, god, why?”

Once everyone arrives, they sort out the carpool, and Bella manages to get Jessica in the front seat with her and Mike, because Bella is the all-mighty appeaser or something.

They get to the beach and make a driftwood fire.  I start coughing because just the thought of all the smoke from a fire fueled by wet wood is enough to set off my allergies, then there’s something about pretty driftwood fire and talking for half an hour, and then the boys want to take a hike.  The girls don’t want to, so the group splits up, and Bella goes off to the tide pools.

There’s stuff about Bella maybe falling in the pools and trying to walk carefully so she gets split up from the rest of the hikers and I advise her to never hike alone, and then start giggling.  If you notice, I got kinda bored at this part.

Oh!  Right!  The description of the tide pools!  This is not Meyer’s writing style.  Honest it isn’t.  I get the feeling that she had someone ghost write it (like my best friend does with romance scenes; I generally write those for her.  Shh, don’t tell) or she lifted it from somewhere or something.  It’s just…very much not her.

After a while, they go back to the rest of the group, Bella trips over a lot of things, and then there are Native Americans!  And I start flailing all over the place because OMFG JACOB I LOVE THAT KID and whatnot.

Mentions of time passing weird because EDWARD IS SO PRETTY WE MUST CONCENTRATE ON HIM and then lunch and then group scattering and yada yada yada and Bella thinks Jacob is PRETTEH but Bella is shallow and starts not liking him because he knows who she is.  Really?  Just…really?

But!  Never fear, Bella, because this good looking, quite awesome young man is The Jacob Black!  Your dad and his dad are friends!  That’s where Charlie got the truck!  Sweet!

Jacob mentions that his sister, Rebecca, who Bella used to hang out with, is married, and Bella is l’shock.  Married?  Already?  But Rebecca is only one year older than Bella!  What is this!  *mutters* Note…to…self…Twilight…page…one hundred twenty…  *writes down*

Anyway!  Moving on from that, Lauren asks Jacob is he knows Bella in…what Bella imagines is an insolent tone.  She imagines?  She’s never heard one before?  She’s never heard anyone be rude before?  Just because the word is fancier, doesn’t mean the emotion is any more so.  Really?  Just stop, okay?

Okay, so this is the point where I start giggling and facepalming and invoking gods like nobody’s business.

"The Cullens don’t come here," [the boy who seemed to be in charge] said in a tone that closed the subject, ignoring [Lauren’s] question. 

Tyler, trying to win back her attention, asked Lauren’s opinion on a CD he held.  She was distracted. 

I stared at the deep-voiced boy, taken aback, but he was looking away toward the dark forest behind us.  He’d said that the Cullens didn’t come here, but his tone had implied something more—that they weren’t allowed; they were prohibited.  His manner left a strange impression on me, and I tried to ignore is without success.

First thing:  WILL POWER.  YOU PEOPLE SEEM TO SUFFER FROM A LACK OF IT.  ALL OF YOU.

Second thing: I see redundancy and bad grammar in there.  But we’ll ignore that to move onto the part of the chapter that I had to walk away from for a while because of the insanity.

Bella tries to get information about Jacob.  By flirting with him.  Ineptly, we’re told.  I’m just going to go with a list of what Bella does and my reactions to her.

• She tries to imitate Edward’s way of looking up from underneath his eyelashes—Oh, my god…
• She flutters her eyelashes like the girls on TV—Merlin’s pants
• She says that Jacob looks older than fifteen, and his response is that he’s tall for his age—Almighty Zeus…
• She “lumps” herself with the “youngsters”, trying to make it clear that she prefers Jacob to the leader boy—Mithros…
• Jacob looks allured.  No, really, it says “allured”—Hades, this is ridiculous.
• She makes an effort to smolder at him.  To smolder at him.—WHAT.

And then the English major in me curls up in a little ball and dies on the floor.  No, seriously siriusly, I’m going to have to pick a different major.

But anyway, Bella’s acting like a fool inept flirting seems to do the trick, because Jacob tells her the story about the Cullens cold ones.  And, apparently, it’s scary.  Let me explain.

…No, that will take too long.  Let me sum up:

The Quileutes, Jacob’s tribe, were apparently descended from werewolves, and the cold ones are the natural enemies of the werewolf.  Bella has obviously never read fantasy, because she doesn’t know what the natural enemy of the werewolf is.  Honestly…

But this particular brand of cold ones was “civilized,” meaning that they didn’t eat people NOM NOM NOM somehow.  Still, there was always the chance that they’d get hungry and start snacking or something, so the Quileute leader—Jacob’s great-grandfather, conveniently as it happens—made a treaty with the cold ones that they would stay off Quileute land and the Quileutes wouldn’t expose them.

Now, according to Jacob, the Cullens are the same cold ones from the story.  And Bella still doesn’t get what they are.  Wait, wait, let’s add this up: enemies of werewolves, people-eaters, obviously cold, and apparently immortal.  I’m seeing…I’m seeing… I’m seeing… VAMPIRES, DUMBASS.

But Bella needs it spelled out, apparently.  *rolls eyes* Honestly…

Then Mike and Jessica show up, and Jacob thinks Mike is Bella’s boyfriend, and is relieved to find he’s not, and Mike is upset that Bella is friends with Jacob.  Bella thinks that Jacob is someone she could easily be friends with.

SO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM, DUMBASS.  DON’T LEAD THE POOR BOY ON.

So then Mike and Jacob have a pissing contest and Jacob wins (I think) and I’m just facepalming all over the place as Bella goes back to the beach and the whole party heads back to Forks.

No promises on timing this time around. These’ll just be up when they’re up, SO THERE.


OTHER CHAPTERS

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 7