I’m going to take some time out of my day, turn on some nice,
calming piano music, and go the fuck at this.
Why? Because it’s never going to get done otherwise.
Without further ado:
Chapter 11: Complications
Bella and Edward wander into Biology, and apparently everyone
watches. Is this Bella’s conceit talking, or does everyone really have nothing
better to do before class? I, for one, would be drawing the hell out of something, as per usual.
Anyway, the teacher shows a movie and an entire page is
devoted to describing the sexual tension between Bella and Edward. Badly
written sexual tension. God, if I ever write this poorly, someone just shoot me
in the face.
Anyway, Biology ends, then Gym happens, and there’s conversation
with Mike about the way Edward looks at her THANK YOU GOD THAT SOMEONE HAS
NOTICED THAT THIS IS UNHEALTHY but Bella ignores Mike and heads outside.
Edward is there, as probably will become the norm, and he was mind-reading
during class and now he’s pissed that any other guy is even talking to Bella and DOES ANYONE ELSE
SEE AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. I CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE.
So there are boys all over Rosalie’s car, and I SWEAR TO GOD
I AM NEVER USING THE WORD “OSTENTATIOUS” AGAIN. EVER.
They drive home and Edward continues to act the dick,
refusing to respect Bella’s privacy. Then there is a veiled mention of the
running. I giggle, thinking of baseball. Edward thinks it’s funny that he
scares Bella. WHAT THE FUCK YOU GUYS. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. I just cannot even
at this point, okay. Honest to god. He thinks it’s funny. FUNNY. He thinks
it’s FUNNY that he scares her. Good
god in heaven…
We’re moving on so that I don’t explode all over my roommate.
There’s some hilarious cluelessness going on. Bella still can’t figure out why Edward doesn’t want to take her hunting.
IT’S BECAUSE HE WILL FUCKING EAT YOU YOU MORON. So he has to spell it
out for her.
But yeah. So that happens. Then more terrible sexual tension,
then ~parting omg~, then undiagnosed horny dreams, then comes morning and
Charlie is still my favorite character. He is clearly the only person who actually
cares. I wish to god that Bella would
bring Edward around and actually hang out
with Charlie so that Charlie could see how horrible this whole thing is and
then be all “Bitch this ain’t happenin’,” and, like, shoot Edward. Or maybe
call in the Slayer Squad. Or something.
But nope. I don’t get that. I get more fuckwittery from Bella
and Edward and…honestly, it’s not even worth
it to make fun of what goes on in that car. Suffice to say that Edward asks
questions, Bella answers, and it’s boring as all fuck. Apparently he’s
psychoanalyzing her. Or something. I don’t even know.
And then the whole day is skipped and come Biology and HOLY
CRAP THEIR TEACHER’S NAME IS MR. BANNER PLEASE GOD PLEASE LET HIS FIRST NAME BE
BRUCE OH THAT WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE THIS BOOK COULD SERIOUSLY FUCKING DO
WITH SOME GODDAMN AWESOME BRUCE BANNER ACTION.
And then nothing happens. And then more nothing happens. It’s
all questions and answers and we really get none of them (siriusly, guys, we
don’t learn a thing about Bella), and
then Edward mentions that it’s twilight LOL I C WAT U DID THAR and
Charlie will be home soon. And then Meyer tries to be poetic (I can tell that
it’s her because it sucks ass) and then Jacob! Yay Jacob! I still like Jacob!
And also Billy and Charlie and apparently Billy ~knows deep
down~ that the Cullens are vampires or some shit and hey! What’d’ya know! I’m
done!
It’s past midnight and I have a midterm tomorrow so this is
SK, signing out!
